June 5, 2000--
A vice president of human resources at a national
electronics firm was interviewing someone over lunch
for a vice president of marketing position. He isn't
quite sure how the interview went because he didn't hear a
thing the candidate was saying. He spent the entire
time staring at the salad dressing dribbling down his
guest's chin -- and wondering how potential clients might
react to the man's manners.
A sales executive
for a lighting manufacturer was about to dig into her
salad when she noticed a ladybug on a lettuce leaf.
She screamed so loud, her meal companion reported, that he
thought she had just discovered half a cockroach. The
restaurant was terribly embarrassed -- and etiquette
experts say it would have been better to simply return the
salad without making a scene.
You may never have
made such a major faux pas over lunch. But getting through
a business meeting over a meal isn't easy. It isn't,
however, impossible.
Take the Crunch
out of Lunch
Harvey Mackay, author and CEO of Minneapolis-based Mackay
Envelope Corp, says the second-best idea he ever had for doing
a business lunch was to not to pay for the meal at the
end.
Instead, Mackay
says he always calls ahead of time to give the restaurant
his credit card, so that the waiter bringing the check
doesn't interrupt a potentially crucial moment during
a business lunch. (It also spares his guests any discomfort
about being treated to a free lunch.) And Mackay makes
sure the maitre d' knows when the waiter should come
to the table, to minimize disruptions of the rapport-building
process or the sales pitch.
When he makes the
reservation, Mackay also asks for a good view for both
himself and his guests. "You want the most pleasant
experience possible, you don't want to be stuck staring at
walls or the area where they scrape plates," he explains.
Most importantly, he requests not to be placed near
a high-traffic area like the restrooms or the kitchen
door.
Julian Niccolini,
managing partner of The Four Seasons Restaurant in New
York, says his midtown place is popular for lunches
for financial deal-makers because it is designed to be quiet
and the tables are placed far enough apart that guests
can't readily overhear each other. "Set up a house account
at a restaurant where you're comfortable and know the service
will be good," Niccolini advises. "If you haven't been
to the restaurant before, try to visit it at lunch ahead
of your meeting, to see what it's like."
"Think of the outcome
of a business lunch like the meal itself," Diener says.
"Enjoying it is just the culmination of everything that
went on before in the kitchen." Too many overconfident business
people go into meetings without carefully considering
what their goals are, looking at the downside, exploring
alternatives, asking for objective advice from someone else
or finding out enough about the other people, he says.
In his book, "Swim
with the Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive," Mackay lists 66
helpful items to know about the individuals you're meeting.
Where did they go to college and what were their majors?
Married with children? Hobbies? Previous positions at the
same or other companies? Do they smoke or drink? You don't
need to have all the answers before you do lunch, he
says, "but 10 are better than five, and 20 better than
10."
Solid preparation
will help you avoid making crucial mistakes, Diener
adds. "Even top deal-makers can miss the obvious traps,
because they're rushed and often have to make quick decisions
that depend on gut instinct. They'll take someone's word,
not call a lawyer, or they will make an agreement with
someone who has a disreputable background they didn't
bother to check out."
While you're waiting
for the food to arrive, stick to safe personal topics
(vacations, family, sports), avoiding the too personal
(religion, sex, politics, income). "Ideally, if your dining
partner has the time, you should wait until the very
end of the meal before getting down to business," she
says.
But when time constraints
don't allow that, Fox counsels, make sure you have a
two-way conversation: Ask your guest questions, both
because people like to talk about themselves (and you'll learn
about them) and to give yourself time to eat something.
In addition, Fox
suggests that you not worry about the rules governing
which utensil to use. They're good to know, but don't
get nervous and formal. And if you make a real mistake, like
dropping something, Fox says to use humor and move on.
"If there's a problem with the food or service, handle
it discreetly, excusing yourself to talk privately with
the maitre d', or wait until your guests leave," she says.
