"A
man's gift maketh room for him,
and bringeth him before great men."
-- Proverbs 18:16
You see that? Although selfless gifting is deemed ideal, it's
totally realistic to assume that many of us use seasonal gift
giving as a way to curry favor with a boss, an in-law, or whoever
the great person is we'd like to bringeth ourselves before.
In doing so,
keep in mind that the whole "It's the thought that counts"
really matters. As in, it's really, really important to think
about what you're giving the person to whom you're sucking up.
Sue Fox, etiquette
expert and the author of "Etiquette for Dummies" and
"Business Etiquette for Dummies," warns that giving
suck-up gifts could "veer into undue influence and bribery."
That may be
precisely what you want to achieve, but you don't want to get
called out on it. Here, Fox offers some advice to those of you
in dire need of ingratiating yourselves to someone:
The boss
While a simple
"Hey, Merry Christmas!" or a card might do, some of
you might feel moved to buy a little sumthin' sumthin' for the
office big shot.
According
to a 2000 survey by vault.com (a corporate job-search Web site),
46 percent of employees buy their bosses gifts. Thirty-three percent
spend $30 to $50, but 13 percent spend more than $50.
Fox recommends
that you stick with the simple stuff -- nothing pricey.
"Because
you never know what people know or see," she says, referring
to the piranha tank that is office politics.
If your boss
has done something ultra cool for you -- given you extra time
off or a to-die-for promotion, then Fox figures you can openly
gift him or her.
"Like
a bottle of wine, but not a very expensive one, unless you're
an executive reporting to a VP or a president," says Fox.
A 1998 Oregon pinot noir -- about $48 for a bottle of Rex Hill's
Reserve (available at better supermarkets and most wine shops)
-- should do more than nicely.
Otherwise,
sucking up on the down-low is the way to go. This means buying
the boss tickets to a sporting event or concert and discreetly
tucking them into an envelope. You also don't have to break the
bank with this gift. Sonics tickets, for example, go for anywhere
from $9-$129 (www.nba.com/sonics/, 206-283-3865, or Ticketmaster).
Midrange $60 tickets would be good idea, because you don't want
to seat your boss in the nosebleed section.
You might
be tempted to buy your boss a luxe pen set (the better to sign
your paychecks with!) but Fox advises against doing that.
"Anything
materialistic that sits in the office and looks expensive is going
to look bad. If it buys you a promotion or a trip or a perk, then
it's going to come back to haunt you."
If you decide
to buy the big cheese something that won't fit into an envelope,
then find out what his or her interests are. Oh, and never, ever
buy anything like jewelry, fragrance or clothing. Fox says that's
way too personal.
In-laws
and other feared relatives
This one's
a little tricky. Fox doesn't make any particular recommendations
here. Instead, she gives us a lecture.
"I just
think it's OK as long as it's obvious that you're not sucking
up, that you're not trying to buy their love, their affection,
their attention," says Fox.
"Material
things are not the way to do that." She did add that the
thing to do here is the exact opposite of what you'd do for your
boss -- make it personal, so it seems from the heart even if it's
actually from your scheming left-brain region. Find out what their
favorite restaurant is and give them a gift certificate or make
arrangements with the restaurant itself for
a special night. You get the idea.
Fox also says
that you have to be careful not to spend too much on this gift.
"You don't want to hurt the feelings of those who can't afford
as much." After all, there's no point in making your in-laws
love you if it means totally ticking off the rest of clan.
Landlords/apartment
managers/auto mechanics
If you want
that leaky sink taken care of lickety-split, you need to find
a way to distinguish yourself from the other 249 people who live
in your gigantic apartment complex. Ditto for car issues, assuming
you have a regular mechanic you (tragically) must see on a regular
basis.
"If you
know that they have an interest or something, fine, get them a
gift -- novels, gift certificate," says Fox. But don't spend
too much on these folks.
"Sometimes
you can be insulted if people try to buy you or influence you
in some way," said Fox. The idea is to make them like you,
not feel indebted to you. Giving someone something a little too
nice can just freak them out or embarrass them.
Spending up
to $60 is acceptable, says Fox, depending on how well you know
your landlord. But spending more might give him or her the heebie-jeebies.
Maitre
d's and others more powerful than you'd think
Then there
are those who don't wield an enormous amount of influence in your
day-to-day life, but still can make it a living hell should they
decide to. Like, say they can make you wait an eternity for a
table -- or just flat-out refuse to give you one.
Bluenile.com,
a Seattle-based luxury gift Web site, offers tips on how to bribe
a maitre d' after you've been declined a table.
"Skin
Lincoln, Skip Hamilton. Go straight for Jackson. Shake hands with
the man in question, and simply slide the folded bill into his
palm. Then ask him, if it would not be a bother, to please check
one more time . . ."
"The
basis of etiquette is that it changes with the time, but this
is one of those things that doesn't change. It's still OK to slip
them a $20 but it's better to get to know them by building a rapport
with the maitre d' or a manager," says Fox. While this sort
of palm-greasing is quite effective, never underestimate the power
of a nice gift at a time of year when most restaurant folks are
run off their feet.
"A really
wonderful wine -- because they're usually wine connoisseurs, but
nothing outrageously expensive. Theater tickets also would be
fine," says Fox. There are loads of local theater companies
with affordable shows, but if you want to play it safe, go with
the Seattle Repertory Theatre (www.seattlerep.org/home.html or
206-443-2222). The Rep has tickets from $15-$46, and it sells
tickets for both the Bagley Wright as well as the Leo K theaters.
For other
people in the service industry -- from your massage therapist
to the receptionist at the only salon that seems to know how to
tame your hair -- Fox recommends a box of cookies or candies.
"I take
my nail salon a big basket of fruit or something like that, that
everyone can enjoy and share," says Fox. She does this out
of appreciation for good service, but says that giving gifts also
can pay other divi-dends.
"I have
friends who give their hairstylist gifts and always seem to get
appointments whenever they want."
P-I reporter
D. Parvaz can be reached at 206-448-8095 or dparvaz@seattlepi.com.
