Houseguests
are like fish, the old saying goes: Both start to smell after
three days.
Vicki Steele,
who's been camping with 12 kin packed into an
800-square-foot house, knows it really takes only two days.
"The thing about it was," said Steele, of Versailles,
"nobody
was taking a bath." By Day 2, she said, "It was like
... whoaa!"
A) Hold your breath and remain silent when the offenders are near.
B) "Accidentally" spray Lysol in the direction of above-mentioned
perpetrators.
C) Good-naturedly dub the smelly housemates "Stinky"
or "Ick," hoping they get the hint.
There is no "right" answer. (But please avoid spraying
Lysol near open flames.)
Even the most revered czarina of couth, Amy Vanderbilt,
doesn't dish on the etiquette of sleeping on a friend's couch.
And on the Internet, where you can find 300,000 entries on corn
dogs, there is nary a word about how to graciously glide
through an emergency.
Nerves fray easily when routines are disrupted, said Marcey Ansley,
spokeswoman for the Bluegrass Chapter of the
American Red Cross, who recently heard a man on the radio offering
to switch his cozy place in a warm house full of in-laws
for a unheated shack and some serenity.
Ansley said the key is to "have a lot of patience."
"Etiquette can be such a French, snobby word, but it is really
about making people feel comfortable, especially in crisis,"
said Sue Fox, president of Etiquette Survival, based in California.
"Everybody needs to be extra sensitive, especially if there
are
kids and pets involved."
Steele said a sense of humor helped her family survive. She
admits, however, that a day of kids whining for pizza and wings
"was ready to drive me insane. I was ready to say, 'out,
out.'"
"It is a brutally stressful situation," said Peter Post,
the
great-grandson of manners maven Emily Post and co-director
of the Emily Post Institute. "And stress is where rudeness
comes from."
An empty toilet paper roll, under normal circumstances, might
not seem as huge as when you're seeing a future forever without
heat.
First, Post said, abide by the house rules. If there is a diehard
vegan in the house, for example, now is not the time to cook
that thawing side of beef.
Second, he said, clean up after yourself. "Be super-vigilant
in all places," especially in the kitchen, which tends to
be the heart of most homes, he said. "If you make a sandwich,
clean up the crumbs before you eat."
It's appropriate, Post and Fox said, to take your hosts out for
a meal at least once during the stay. And give a gift and a thank-you
note when you return home.
The gifts don't necessarily need to be expensive, but they should
reflect the host's passions. If they appreciate fine wine, buy
a nice chablis. Ansley, who is hosting a family in her home, said
with a chuckle that "trimming all the trees in my front yard,
that's what I need to ask for right now."
Keeping your sanity might require you to politely ask someone
to leave, Fox said. A nice approach, she said, is something like,
"What do you think about this Residence Inn I've heard about?"
"If you just keep silent, you are going to explode."
That's a faux pas for which there is no polite recourse.
