A lavishly inviting
guest room speaks well of the host-but will it invite your guests
to overstay thier welcome?
With the valley's economy
booming, people are moving into larger houses and buffing out
guest rooms with everything from Ralph Lauren linens to DVD players.
For houseguests, this can mean a stay as comfy as the Fairmont,
with a homey touch. Even business travelers are finding that sleeping
over and eating dinner with old friends while on the road takes
the monotony out of business travel. But not all houseguests are
created equal.
• Be clear about
your itinerary in advance. ‘‘You must let your hosts know
when you’ll arrive and exactly how long you plan to stay because
they are arranging their schedule around your plans,’’ Bridges
says.
• Don’t wear out
your welcome. ‘‘There’s an old saying: Fish and houseguests
begin to smell after three days,’’ Fox writes in her book. ‘‘Don’t
extend your original departure date unless invited to do so,’’
she says.
• Bring a small
gift. ‘‘A bottle of wine, nice cocktail napkins, fancy jams
or jellies, a little antique bowl make good gifts,’’ Bridges says.
Flowers or a flowering plant and candles or pretty soaps also
are appreciated.
• Don’t bring pets
or children, unless you were specifically asked by the hosts
to do so, instructs Fox. ‘‘The etiquette rule is that those who
are not mentioned are not invited. Do not ask directly if they
can come, although you might respond, ‘We’d love to come if we
can find a sitter for the children.’ This gives the host the opportunity
to invite the kids.’’ A high-tech editor in San Mateo tells about
her houseguest from hell: her husband’s boss who stayed with them
while going through a separation from his wife. But ‘‘one week
turned into a month and then he brought his two little girls over
for the weekend and they were wild, climbing and jumping all over
the furniture. The weirdest thing was that the guy never sent
us a thank you note.’’
• Adapt to your
host’s lifestyle, without trying to run the show. This means
going with the flow and being open to your host’s suggestions
for meals and recreation. A Berkeley graphic artist calls her
houseguest from hell the Prima Donna Pianist. ‘‘He asked us to
have his coffee ready in the morning and then said, ‘And remind
me to show you the place I found to get better coffee filters.’
Then he wanted me to do his laundry, saying sweetly, ‘Can you
do these loads for me, darling?’ We took him to our favorite Mexican
restaurant and he yelled at the waitress, who couldn’t accommodate
his particular guacamole demands.’’
• Don’t be a bump
on a log. The Berkeley hostess notes that a houseguest at
the other end of the spectrum from the Prima Donna Pianist can
be equally maddening. ‘‘One guest was so demure he smothered me
with his lack of plans, wishes or preferences,’’ she says. ‘‘‘Would
you like to go wine tasting?’ I’d ask. ‘Visit Alcatraz? Tahoe?
Museums?’ ‘Oh, I don’t know,’ was always his answer. After about
four days my frustrated side wanted to say: ‘Would you like to
tour the Oakland sewer system and have otter brain for dinner?’
’’ As Bridges explains, ‘‘Hosts like it when you speak up and
participate in the planning. Then they don’t have to worry whether
you’re having a good time.’’ He adds that participating sometimes
means doing stuff you’re not crazy about.
• Chip in and help.
Being a good participant also means lending a hand. ‘‘Get up when
it’s time to fix dinner or pour the drinks and say, ‘Let me help
with that.’ The ideal houseguest situation is a team effort and
the guest plays as big a role as the host in making the visit
fun.’’
• Offer to treat
your hosts to a meal, especially if you’re staying a few nights.
‘‘Tell your host before you sit down to eat that you’d like to
pick up the check,’’ advises Bridges. ‘‘That way you don’t have
to haggle during a nice meal.’’
• Don’t make a racket:
Keep your voice down late in the evening or early morning, and
if the guest room has a television, keep the volume on low.
• Tidy up before
you leave. Bottom line, says Fox: ‘‘Always leave everything
cleaner than you found it.’’ This means wiping out the tub and
sink and asking your host if you can strip the bed and what to
do with the sheets.
• Send a thank-you
note. ‘‘You absolutely must say thank you after someone has
had you as a guest,’’ says Bridges, adding that your host gift
doesn’t obviate you from this necessity. ‘‘The host gift says
‘thank you for inviting me.’ The thank you note says ‘thank you,
I had a good time.’ ’’ He adds that if you’ve stayed a week or
more you might send along another little gift. ‘‘Maybe you noticed
something during the visit that your host likes in particular—a
kind of music or a type of food. You could send a CD or a fancy
condiment.’’
